Blame not

Never blame anyone no matter what happens! This is the first rule of thumb. Blaming others create argument. Blaming others create pressure. Blaming others create resentment.

Here are a few examples…

• Mary asked her husband to fetch her back home but he was late for 15 minutes. She said to her husband, “Why are you so late? I’ve been waiting for you for so long!”

• Peter, a 60-year-old man got sick and was admitted to hospital for several days. His grown up children didn’t visit him. After he recovered, he told his children, “You don’t seem to care for dad anymore. You didn’t even visit me when I was in hospital. I guess you won’t even bother whether I’m dead or alive!”

• Susy, a 21-year-old year was having a difficult time in her life. She just went abroad to study and hadn’t get used to the new environment. She didn’t have any friend. She couldn’t eat well and couldn’t sleep well too. Of course, Susy was very sad and depressed. Her family didn’t seem to care much. So Susy called her parents and said, “Do you know how bad I feel right now? Why can’t you call me more often to comfort me? This is what I need most.”

From all above examples, we can sense a strong blaming attitude. You can easily guess what kind of conversation follows and how others feel. It certainly doesn’t feel good for everyone.

Who owes you?

From the moment of your birth, no one owes you anything. Your parents take care of you because they love you. Your husband takes care of you because he loves you. Of course you have to thank them for everything they have done for you.

What if they don’t care for you? Well, they don’t have to in the first place. It’s their choice. They don’t owe you anything. So how can you blame them for this? What makes you think they should do what you wanted them to do?

In the above example, Mary’s husband was late. Who says her husband must, should or have to fetch her? Peter’s children didn’t visit him in hospital. Who says his children must, should or have to visit him? Susy’s parents didn’t call her to comfort her. Who says her parents must, should or have to call her?

Can you get rid of the thought that others must, should or have to do certain thing for you? If you can, you won’t blame others if they don’t do it. Instead, you will appreciate them if they really do it for you.

Thank you

The opposite of blaming is appreciation. “Thank you” is one of the most important phrase for creating a healthy relationship with others. No one owes you anything. So if someone do something for you, thank them from the bottom of your heart!

In the above example, Mary can say, “After waiting for 15 minutes, I thought you have forgotten to fetch me. But finally you did come! I guess you didn’t forget me. Thank you honey!”

Peter can say, “I’m glad to see you all again. I really miss you all especially when I was in the hospital.”

Susy can call her parents and say, “Daddy and mummy, I want to let you know how I miss you over here. I’m having quite a difficult time over here. But with your support and encouragement, I’m sure I can pull myself through smoothly.”

See… no blame! Only appreciation… and a little hint 

Law of attraction

You should have heard of the law of attraction. When you have blaming thoughts, you will further attract other negative happenings for you to blame. But when you have appreciation thoughts, you will attract other positive happenings for you to say thank you.

This is very important. So remember that to have a healthy relationship…

Blame not. Thank more.

Imagine waking up every hour or two at night to feed baby. In day time, we have to respond to each baby’s cry. Did baby pee or poop? Is baby hungry? Is baby uncomfortable? Most of our time is taken up by baby. And there is still many years ahead of us to raise our child.

A parent will always give the best to their children. And a parent will sacrifice themselves for their children sake.

All this let me have this thought. As a children, we really have no right to:

• talk rudely to our parent
• get angry with our parent
• blame our parent

A mother’s heart

Faye Wong was my favorite singer from Hong Kong. She once said that after having a daughter, she understood how her mother felt for her. Only then she understood a mother’s love for her child.

When you’re young, you may wonder:

• why your parent care too much for you
• why your parent worry so much about you
• why your parent was so upset with the words you say to them

Don’t worry. You will know the answer after you become a parent yourself.

What is filial?

Dr Lee said filial is not taking your parent out for a good meal. And filial is not bringing your parent out for travelling abroad.

What is true filial? It is not letting your parent worry. It is not letting your parent upset.

Will you exchange your life for…

When I was a teenager, another thought came to my mind. If a situation arises where I can only choose to keep my life or my mother’s life, which will I choose? Will I let my mother die for me to stay alive? Or will I sacrifice myself to let my mother stay alive?

Without hesitation, my answer was to sacrifice myself for my mother. She gave me life. And I should return it back for her.

What about exchanging my life for my father’s life? Yes I will. He gave me life. And I should return it back for him.

Then I asked myself, “What about exchanging my life for one of my brother or sister?” No I won’t.

I have two younger sisters and two younger brothers. What about exchanging my life for all my brothers and sisters? Without hesitation, my answer was “Yes, I will.”

Recently I came across a secret on how you can get along better with your children. And I’m going to share it with you now. So listen carefully…

There are 3 golden rules here and you must follow each rule carefully in order to make it works.

Rule No. 1: Never control your children

Rule No. 2: Never control your children

Rule No. 3: Never, never ever control your children

Think about it… Do you always try to control your children? Do you arrange for your children what they should do, when they should do it and what they shouldn’t do? Do you get angry and scold your children if they don’t follow your instruction?

It’s normal to care for your children and wish for the best for them. But do you really listen to what your children have to say? Do you really listen to them as if they are the King? Do you really listen to them without interruption and comment?

Now, you have two ears. Go ahead and ask your children…

• Do they like what you arrange for them? Do they really like it?
• How do they feel about this family?
• How do they feel about you?
• Are they happy now?
• What are they hoping for?

When you listen to them, remember to shut your mouth! You can only say these words:

• Uh-huh…
• Then…
• I understand…
• I see…
• Yes…

When they finish talking, you can say, “Thanks for telling me all these.” Smile…

Most of the time, you will realize what your children think is way different from what you thought is in their mind. As a parent, you must respect their thinking. Spiritually, they are on the same level as you. They can feel what you feel. They clearly know what is happening around them.

Never think your children are just small kids and don’t know anything. It’s just their physical limitation that makes them difficult to express themselves.

Even if you’ve done anything wrong or let them down, you must apologize to them. When you learn how to respect your children, they will respect you in return.

So remember to listen to them. Listen carefully to their words and its hidden meaning.