Feb 17

Do you often have relationship problems with your family? How do you maintain good relationship with your family, relatives and friends? Here’s a simple tip I wish to share with you.

Blame not

Never blame anyone no matter what happens! This is the first rule of thumb. Blaming others create argument. Blaming others create pressure. Blaming others create resentment.

Here are a few examples…

  • Mary asked her husband to fetch her back home but he was late for 15 minutes. She said to her husband, “Why are you so late? I’ve been waiting for you for so long!”
  • Peter, a 60-year-old man got sick and was admitted to hospital for several days. His grown up children didn’t visit him. After he recovered, he told his children, “You don’t seem to care for dad anymore. You didn’t even visit me when I was in hospital. I guess you won’t even bother whether I’m dead or alive!”
  • Susy, a 21-year-old year was having a difficult time in her life. She just went abroad to study and hadn’t get used to the new environment. She didn’t have any friend. She couldn’t eat well and couldn’t sleep well too. Of course, Susy was very sad and depressed. Her family didn’t seem to care much. So Susy called her parents and said, “Do you know how bad I feel right now? Why can’t you call me more often to comfort me? This is what I need most.”

From all above examples, we can sense a strong blaming attitude. You can easily guess what kind of conversation follows and how others feel. It certainly doesn’t feel good for everyone.

Who owes you?

From the moment of your birth, no one owes you anything. Your parents take care of you because they love you. Your husband takes care of you because he loves you. Of course you have to thank them for everything they have done for you.

What if they don’t care for you? Well, they don’t have to in the first place. It’s their choice. They don’t owe you anything. So how can you blame them for this? What makes you think they should do what you wanted them to do?

In the above example, Mary’s husband was late. Who says her husband must, should or have to fetch her? Peter’s children didn’t visit him in hospital. Who says his children must, should or have to visit him? Susy’s parents didn’t call her to comfort her. Who says her parents must, should or have to call her?

Can you get rid of the thought that others must, should or have to do certain thing for you? If you can, you won’t blame others if they don’t do it. Instead, you will appreciate them if they really do it for you.

Thank you

The opposite of blaming is appreciation. “Thank you” is one of the most important phrase for creating a healthy relationship with others. No one owes you anything. So if someone do something for you, thank them from the bottom of your heart!

In the above example, Mary can say, “After waiting for 15 minutes, I thought you have forgotten to fetch me. But finally you did come! I guess you didn’t forget me. Thank you honey!”

Peter can say, “I’m glad to see you all again. I really miss you all especially when I was in the hospital.”

Susy can call her parents and say, “Daddy and mummy, I want to let you know how I miss you over here. I’m having quite a difficult time over here. But with your support and encouragement, I’m sure I can pull myself through smoothly.”

See… no blame! Only appreciation… and a little hint  :)

Law of attraction

You should have heard of the law of attraction. When you have blaming thoughts, you will further attract other negative happenings for you to blame. But when you have appreciation thoughts, you will attract other positive happenings for you to say thank you.

This is very important. So remember that to have a healthy relationship…

Blame not. Thank more.

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